Stressed Out

So here it goes. I have been having some ups and downs with my health as of late. I've been doing the healthy eating kick for a while and incorporating moderate activity into my life, but can't seem to lose any weight and am constantly feeling under the weather.

Well about 2 + weeks ago I went in for a thyroid ultrasound, because my GI doc was concerned and wanted to make sure nothing was going on. 2 weeks go bye and I don't hear from her, I think all is cool and we'll discuss at our next appointment. 10:30 Friday morning my little world kinda went into a tail spin. Doc called with some "concern's" and wants to do a biopsy.

Naturally, I FREAK OUT.

My doc says I have two "nodules" on my thyroid, 1 that is internal and one that is on the left side and over 1cm big. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis a few years back and those little "nodules" are not my friends. With the type of thyroid problem I have I am 10x more likely to develop thyroid cancer. Yeah freaked out to say the least.

I've done some internet research and my doc has tried to calm my fears, but the truth remains, I won't know till late May what the results are. I have an appointment May 14th for the biopsy, in which they don't put my to sleep, just stick a lovely needle into my neck 4-5 times. I'm hoping my best friend will be there with me, because frankly I'm not sure I can handle it alone. Within a week, I should have my results and if it's positive....let's just say this girl is a fighter, but I am scared.

I'm not yet 30 and I still have a lot of living left in me. As my grandmother always said, "Never give up, never surrender." I know she is watching over me and will get me through this.

Life is complicated

In the span of a week. I lost the only guy best friend I have, nearly quit my job, and took up running.

I lost one of my best friends, because, well frankly, I couldn't be what he needed me to be. I couldn't be the woman that he deserved. The one that wanted to spend all the time with him. The one that wanted to be a teenager again and make out 24/7. I love him, but am not in love with him and that hurts. He was the man that I always thought I would bring home to meet the family. He would have taken great care of me, but I wasn't taking care of him. I just couldn't do that to him, not again. He deserves a woman that would love, provide, care, jump through hoops for him. It just wasn't me. I'm so sorry and he knows this and in time, I hope he knows I did it, because I do care for him.

Work and I are not getting along recently. I hate going to work and would use every excuse I could think of to not go to work if I thought I could get away with it. It's just killing me everyday. I hope things start to look up soon, because I really do like what I do, just not the politics that go with it.

I also took up running.

I DO NOT LIKE TO RUN!

I figured with all the ups and downs with my personal and professional life, hitting the pavement sounded like a good idea. I am ridiculously out of shape and need to lose weight, as nothing I own seems to want to fit and its freaking sad. I refuse to spend anymore money on clothes that don't fit.

I will drop this weight and be happy again, but maybe some therapy on the side would be a good idea. I have to work through this personal shit before I go and hurt someone else I care about.

Here is to a new week and a new chapter, thank god it's almost May and I can go on vacation.