Been thinking

So it has come to my realization that I am "depressed." A great friend stated today "for the last few weeks, you have appeared to be in a funk." That great friend is right.

It is once again "holiday season." I cringe at the thought of all things merriment. The "holiday's" have NEVER been my favorite time of year....alright maybe when I was 5. It is a stressful time period and I always feel like I don't do enough. My parents are divorced and someone is always left out at this time period.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, simply because well I love the food. Last year was a very depressing time period, as my grandmother was losing her fight for life and I spent over 10 days in a hospital in Texas just spending time with her. This year I am going to WV to spend time with my father's side of the family, but in the back of my mind I realize this time last year was when I said goodbye to my maternal grandmother. She was the rock for my mom and I am worried about my mom and this time of year. It will be hard for her and I am not there to help.

Also, I am lonely. I care for one person more than he knows....actually he probably does know, but I can't let myself let him in. I've hurt him more than once and he has always been there no matter what. I don't want to be with someone just because I am lonely....so for his sake and my sake I am not going down this road again....and I honestly think that's why I bailed a month ago.

I think its time this gal went back to therapy. As much as I love talking to my friends and family somethings are just easier to talk to someone else about.