Reminder of Life

Today is the one year anniversary of my grandmother's passing. She was the light in my family. The strength. The tenacity and hope. I remember her every day and remember that I strive to have the same values and morals as this woman.

She was my Nana. My Muriel. My Mother's Mother. Without her, I would not be here.

I have an unbelievable relationship with my mother. She is my best friend and I can feel her even when we are apart. This evening I was sitting on my couch watching TV and just knew something was wrong. I called my mom. She was crying. She took the passing of my grandmother very hard and I know when the time comes that I have to say goodbye it will be extremely hard for me to do so.

So to honor the memory of my grandmother. I pray to the heavens that she is happy, healthy and wise. I pray she is with my grandfather. I pray that she will see my mom and let her know she is okay. I pray she watches over me and see's that I am happy and successful. I pray that I will one day see her again. I love you Nana and know in my heart of hearts you will always be with me.

Been thinking

So it has come to my realization that I am "depressed." A great friend stated today "for the last few weeks, you have appeared to be in a funk." That great friend is right.

It is once again "holiday season." I cringe at the thought of all things merriment. The "holiday's" have NEVER been my favorite time of year....alright maybe when I was 5. It is a stressful time period and I always feel like I don't do enough. My parents are divorced and someone is always left out at this time period.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, simply because well I love the food. Last year was a very depressing time period, as my grandmother was losing her fight for life and I spent over 10 days in a hospital in Texas just spending time with her. This year I am going to WV to spend time with my father's side of the family, but in the back of my mind I realize this time last year was when I said goodbye to my maternal grandmother. She was the rock for my mom and I am worried about my mom and this time of year. It will be hard for her and I am not there to help.

Also, I am lonely. I care for one person more than he knows....actually he probably does know, but I can't let myself let him in. I've hurt him more than once and he has always been there no matter what. I don't want to be with someone just because I am lonely....so for his sake and my sake I am not going down this road again....and I honestly think that's why I bailed a month ago.

I think its time this gal went back to therapy. As much as I love talking to my friends and family somethings are just easier to talk to someone else about.

Life to Date

In August, I went and visited some family in WV....been a long time since I have seen my father's side of the family. I surprised my grandmother with the visit. It was nice to spend sometime in WV with the family and well I am going back for Turkey Day. The best part of the my trip...the drive back. The mountains are beautiful.

Also in August- was the 1 month anniversary of no alcohol. After my stint in the hospital, I took some time off.



In September, I went to Florida for my birthday to spend sometime with my mom and get a tan and generally just RELAX. It was a great trip. My mom made wonderful food and as I was never much of a cook....I learned a few tips and tricks and I actually enjoy cooking. I often call mom for ideas. She gave me A LOT of great presents....one of my favorites is an off-white sweater dress which I am looking forward to wearing this winter. In addition I had my first drink since the hospital incident.



Upon coming home from Florida, I had to make a decision regarding my car. After several attempts to bring my ZX2 back to life....I said screw it. Well I bought a new car on September 10. Totaled it September 12th. Not a great week. I bought a Chevy Cobalt....bright blue. She was beautiful and totally me. On a rainy evening I was leaving a "friends" house and well lost control of my vehicle on a windy road, did at least a 540 degree spin and slammed the driver's rear into a telephone poll. Dislocated my shoulder, bruised my face (I still have a slight bruise in NOVEMBER!). Needless to say insurance did not pay for the entire amount of my vehicle and I am now paying the difference of $1400 for a car I don't even own. The plus side....I still have the ZX2 and he is behaving, for now.


So I decided to join a kickball team. While I am not a fan of the color pink....my PINK team rocked. We may have lost every game, but we had an awesome time doing it. The picture is from after the last game when we went out to The Whiskey for an end of the year happy hour. It was a blast and I loved everyone on my team. I made some great friends and had a blast doing it. Even though I am clumsy to a fault....I managed to not get injured! I'll definitely do it again next year!



Well Flo is still alive....barely. She definitely does not look like the picture to the left and I couldn't bare to take a new photo of her. I am going to pass her off to Traci when she moves into her new home...perhaps she can bring her back to life. I would like to get a new plant this spring.....we'll see what happens. I tend to murder them.

Cause Mom Boohoo'd

So I was talking to my mom this evening and she informed me that she looks forward to my posts and that I haven't posted anything in a while. lol. I know my life is interesting and full of drama but who would have thought my mother really enjoyed reading about it....especially when she hears it on a daily basis.

WELL.....let's get all caught up shall we.

Spent the 4th of July weekend with my daddy....who came into town for an annual bbq. I love that man. He is definitely a rock in my life and someone I know I can turn to when things get rough....he'll offer me advice but let me choose my own path.

The following weekend, I went to the beach with a very good friend and just enjoyed being lazy. Laid on the beach on Saturday...got sunburnt....per my usual. Got a Henna Tattoo on my wrist....to decide if I really wanted one there (I do.).


Sunday, I drove back home and stopped at my friend Nick's. Spent all day out on his boat. It was GORGEOUS!

The following weekend....I went on a "bar golf" pub crawl. BAD IDEA.
I drank way way too much. Sunday morning...4am....I start throwing up. By Tuesday....this girl is in the hospital. I am admitted Wednesday....and am not discharged till Saturday evening. I believe what may have started as alcohol poisioning managed to turn into a full blown stomach flu. I was miserable and if I NEVER throw up again it will be too soon. Hence my 6 months sobriety. I have taken it upon myself to not drink for 6 months. I believe this was my wake up call.

This past weekend which was supposed to be for my recovery and be low key....started out that way. I went to a movie with a friend of mine. When I was dropping her off back at home, I went to turn around and well...my car just died.

Turns out my timing belt broke....in turn killing my engine. I am looking at a $2,000 repair. I am not looking forward to the repair....but thankful I have people in my life that can help me out.

So in a nutshell that is my life for the past month. August hopefully will be low key. I am headed to see one of my very best friends this weekend. Next weekend I'm hoping will involve a pool and a book. The third weekend is a friends birthday, but I am sitting out crazy festivities in the hopes to keep my sobriety in check. The last weekend of August I am going to Virgin Festival. Then my birthday and I will be Florida bound to see my mom. I had to cancel a trip in July do to my hospital stay. I am really looking forward to my September trip, laying by the pool, eating mom's home cooked food and just relaxing.

#48 Completed

July 1st: Driving 95N towards Baltimore approx 7:25pm. BOOM! Flat Tire. I have ZERO idea what to do. I panic. Call my Dad and say "I know what I want for my birthday.....AAA." Luckly I have an amazing friend, Ray, who drove all the way out of the city (approx. 30 minutes) to help me out. We managed to learn how to change the flat tire and put the spare on following the instructions in the trusty manual I happened to have in my car. It was a learning experience for both of us.

Couldn't repair the tire so the shop had to replace it. I was smart though and had purchased road hazard...what could have been a $100+ bucks only cost me $25. I also learned that you should have your spare tire inflated at the same time you get your oil changed. Needless to say without Ray's help and the trusty manual....I may have sat on 95N crying till a cop came to my rescue. Thank god for good friends.

25 Signs That You Have Grown Up

You are a grown and responsible man/woman when:

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00am is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce, instead of "hook up" and "break up."
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because of those %&@# kids next door that won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3am would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking, "Oh shit, what the hell happened?"

(a friend emailed this to me....thought it was funny and pretty true.)

#19 Completed

So I have shared my list with several of my close friends, and last night one of them text messaged me to let me know that Gone with the Wind was going to be on TCM @ 8pm. I was so excited because I have never seen the movie in its entirety.

Had I known it was 4 hours long, I may have waited to accomplish this task, however it was totally worth it.

I cried with Bonnie Blue died....and like most people loved the line "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." Clark Gable was fantastic in it and I can totally see why he was such a screen legend.

I am happy to have watched this great classic and would welcome the opportunity to watch it again.