2010- Bring it.

Well 2009 was a bust. 2010.....I think it's time.

I went through A LOT of ups and downs. Lots more downs than ups, but I am one tough beotch. My grandma always instilled a "do or die attitude."

So I say out with the old. Ended some friendships. Started some new ones. 2010 this is my year!!! Bring it on!

2008/2009 NYE:

2009/2010 NYE:

My 2009

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before? There were so many things on my list I wanted to try....but Skiing for the first time and not breaking anything is at the top of my list.
2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I don't make them, because I constantly break them.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope, not that I can think of.
4. Did anyone close to you die? Not this year thankfully, I did lose my g-ma end of 08.
5. What places did you visit? Florida, Western MD, WV. I stuck close to home this year.
6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009? Love
7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? June 2009. It was the month I learned I am not invincible when it comes to alcohol.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Going a month without alcohol and realizing I don't have to be drunk to have a good time.
9. What was your biggest failure? Alcohol poisoning
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Alcohol poisoning and wrecking my new car.
11. What was the best thing you bought? My new car....which was totaled 2 days later.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Definetly not mine
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Friends I am no longer associated with.
14. Where did most of your money go? All over.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Nothing really. I am pretty low-key.
16. What song will always remind you of 2009? Not really sure.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? fatter
c) richer or poorer? poorer
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? relaxing
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? drinking
20. How did you spend Christmas in 2009? My mom came to town at the last minute and we spent it with my friends.
21. Did you fall in love in 2009? Nope
22. What was your favorite TV program? Grey's Anatomy, Glee, True Blood.
23. What did you do for your birthday in 2009? Went to Florida and hung out with my mom.
24. What was the best book you read? Twilight and the True Blood series
25. What did you want and get? Nothing
26. What did you want and not get? Love
27. What was your favorite film of this year? So many to choose from.
28. Did you make some new friends this year? Yes Yes I did.
29.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Love
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? I'm pretty comfy/casual with a trendy bit tossed in.
31. What kept you sane? Myself
32. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I don't think anyone
33. What political issue stirred you the most? Healthcare Reform
34. Who did you miss? My nephews
35. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009. I've learned that life is short and to take stock of all your blessings and live in the moment.

Reminder of Life

Today is the one year anniversary of my grandmother's passing. She was the light in my family. The strength. The tenacity and hope. I remember her every day and remember that I strive to have the same values and morals as this woman.

She was my Nana. My Muriel. My Mother's Mother. Without her, I would not be here.

I have an unbelievable relationship with my mother. She is my best friend and I can feel her even when we are apart. This evening I was sitting on my couch watching TV and just knew something was wrong. I called my mom. She was crying. She took the passing of my grandmother very hard and I know when the time comes that I have to say goodbye it will be extremely hard for me to do so.

So to honor the memory of my grandmother. I pray to the heavens that she is happy, healthy and wise. I pray she is with my grandfather. I pray that she will see my mom and let her know she is okay. I pray she watches over me and see's that I am happy and successful. I pray that I will one day see her again. I love you Nana and know in my heart of hearts you will always be with me.

Been thinking

So it has come to my realization that I am "depressed." A great friend stated today "for the last few weeks, you have appeared to be in a funk." That great friend is right.

It is once again "holiday season." I cringe at the thought of all things merriment. The "holiday's" have NEVER been my favorite time of year....alright maybe when I was 5. It is a stressful time period and I always feel like I don't do enough. My parents are divorced and someone is always left out at this time period.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays, simply because well I love the food. Last year was a very depressing time period, as my grandmother was losing her fight for life and I spent over 10 days in a hospital in Texas just spending time with her. This year I am going to WV to spend time with my father's side of the family, but in the back of my mind I realize this time last year was when I said goodbye to my maternal grandmother. She was the rock for my mom and I am worried about my mom and this time of year. It will be hard for her and I am not there to help.

Also, I am lonely. I care for one person more than he knows....actually he probably does know, but I can't let myself let him in. I've hurt him more than once and he has always been there no matter what. I don't want to be with someone just because I am lonely....so for his sake and my sake I am not going down this road again....and I honestly think that's why I bailed a month ago.

I think its time this gal went back to therapy. As much as I love talking to my friends and family somethings are just easier to talk to someone else about.

Life to Date

In August, I went and visited some family in WV....been a long time since I have seen my father's side of the family. I surprised my grandmother with the visit. It was nice to spend sometime in WV with the family and well I am going back for Turkey Day. The best part of the my trip...the drive back. The mountains are beautiful.

Also in August- was the 1 month anniversary of no alcohol. After my stint in the hospital, I took some time off.



In September, I went to Florida for my birthday to spend sometime with my mom and get a tan and generally just RELAX. It was a great trip. My mom made wonderful food and as I was never much of a cook....I learned a few tips and tricks and I actually enjoy cooking. I often call mom for ideas. She gave me A LOT of great presents....one of my favorites is an off-white sweater dress which I am looking forward to wearing this winter. In addition I had my first drink since the hospital incident.



Upon coming home from Florida, I had to make a decision regarding my car. After several attempts to bring my ZX2 back to life....I said screw it. Well I bought a new car on September 10. Totaled it September 12th. Not a great week. I bought a Chevy Cobalt....bright blue. She was beautiful and totally me. On a rainy evening I was leaving a "friends" house and well lost control of my vehicle on a windy road, did at least a 540 degree spin and slammed the driver's rear into a telephone poll. Dislocated my shoulder, bruised my face (I still have a slight bruise in NOVEMBER!). Needless to say insurance did not pay for the entire amount of my vehicle and I am now paying the difference of $1400 for a car I don't even own. The plus side....I still have the ZX2 and he is behaving, for now.


So I decided to join a kickball team. While I am not a fan of the color pink....my PINK team rocked. We may have lost every game, but we had an awesome time doing it. The picture is from after the last game when we went out to The Whiskey for an end of the year happy hour. It was a blast and I loved everyone on my team. I made some great friends and had a blast doing it. Even though I am clumsy to a fault....I managed to not get injured! I'll definitely do it again next year!



Well Flo is still alive....barely. She definitely does not look like the picture to the left and I couldn't bare to take a new photo of her. I am going to pass her off to Traci when she moves into her new home...perhaps she can bring her back to life. I would like to get a new plant this spring.....we'll see what happens. I tend to murder them.

Cause Mom Boohoo'd

So I was talking to my mom this evening and she informed me that she looks forward to my posts and that I haven't posted anything in a while. lol. I know my life is interesting and full of drama but who would have thought my mother really enjoyed reading about it....especially when she hears it on a daily basis.

WELL.....let's get all caught up shall we.

Spent the 4th of July weekend with my daddy....who came into town for an annual bbq. I love that man. He is definitely a rock in my life and someone I know I can turn to when things get rough....he'll offer me advice but let me choose my own path.

The following weekend, I went to the beach with a very good friend and just enjoyed being lazy. Laid on the beach on Saturday...got sunburnt....per my usual. Got a Henna Tattoo on my wrist....to decide if I really wanted one there (I do.).


Sunday, I drove back home and stopped at my friend Nick's. Spent all day out on his boat. It was GORGEOUS!

The following weekend....I went on a "bar golf" pub crawl. BAD IDEA.
I drank way way too much. Sunday morning...4am....I start throwing up. By Tuesday....this girl is in the hospital. I am admitted Wednesday....and am not discharged till Saturday evening. I believe what may have started as alcohol poisioning managed to turn into a full blown stomach flu. I was miserable and if I NEVER throw up again it will be too soon. Hence my 6 months sobriety. I have taken it upon myself to not drink for 6 months. I believe this was my wake up call.

This past weekend which was supposed to be for my recovery and be low key....started out that way. I went to a movie with a friend of mine. When I was dropping her off back at home, I went to turn around and well...my car just died.

Turns out my timing belt broke....in turn killing my engine. I am looking at a $2,000 repair. I am not looking forward to the repair....but thankful I have people in my life that can help me out.

So in a nutshell that is my life for the past month. August hopefully will be low key. I am headed to see one of my very best friends this weekend. Next weekend I'm hoping will involve a pool and a book. The third weekend is a friends birthday, but I am sitting out crazy festivities in the hopes to keep my sobriety in check. The last weekend of August I am going to Virgin Festival. Then my birthday and I will be Florida bound to see my mom. I had to cancel a trip in July do to my hospital stay. I am really looking forward to my September trip, laying by the pool, eating mom's home cooked food and just relaxing.

#48 Completed

July 1st: Driving 95N towards Baltimore approx 7:25pm. BOOM! Flat Tire. I have ZERO idea what to do. I panic. Call my Dad and say "I know what I want for my birthday.....AAA." Luckly I have an amazing friend, Ray, who drove all the way out of the city (approx. 30 minutes) to help me out. We managed to learn how to change the flat tire and put the spare on following the instructions in the trusty manual I happened to have in my car. It was a learning experience for both of us.

Couldn't repair the tire so the shop had to replace it. I was smart though and had purchased road hazard...what could have been a $100+ bucks only cost me $25. I also learned that you should have your spare tire inflated at the same time you get your oil changed. Needless to say without Ray's help and the trusty manual....I may have sat on 95N crying till a cop came to my rescue. Thank god for good friends.