Thursday, February 26, 2009

In Memoriam


My wonderful grandmother, Muriel, passed away December 21, 2008. She was the driving force for my mom and I. She was one of the strongest people I have EVER met. She survived numerous bouts of cancer and never gave up fighting. She often had a motto, "Never Give Up, Never Surrender." This is something I strive to do in my every day life.

My "Nana," fell ill over Thanksgiving 2008. She was supposed to fly to my mother's in Florida on the Saturday before Turkey Day and I was set to surprise her on Wednesday. Those plans never came to fruition. I got a phone call from my mother on Friday morning, informing me Nana was in the hospital and she really didn't know the circumstances. By Friday evening, it was apparent my mother would be in a car Saturday morning to drive the 14 hours from Tampa, FL to Houston, TX. I changed my flight to leave Sunday evening, as it was the earliest I could get out and just prayed she would hold on till I got there. I made sure my mom told her I was coming and to just fight.

When I arrived in my Nana's hospital room on Sunday evening, I could barely hold it together and walked out after only a few minutes, breaking down crying. She was so frail and tiny and no amount of preparation from my family or on my part prepared me for the woman I saw before me. The last time I had seen my grandmother, she was basking in the sun in her swimsuit and being this lively woman I knew and loved. She had her vodka/tonics and loved to eat good food...she especially wanted to try Kobe beef.

Over the next 10 days, I spent remembering the woman I love and being a support for my mother...she had her good days and then there were the bad...but one thing was clear, this woman was going to fight.

My mom fell ill on the Saturday before I left TX which was ironic, because my entire family thought I would have been the one who ended up the hospital, due to the fact I could keep no food down. Mom came back from visiting my grandmother that morning and I was preparing for us to go out and spend a little time together. She was not herself and in a lot of pain and nauseous. I finally all but forced her to get in the car and drove her to the hospital. I am not a person who can handle throw-up or blood, but for the sake of my mother, I stayed by herside while she constantly got sick and they drew blood. The admitted her for the evening, having no idea what was wrong with her. The next day it became apparent, in my eyes, her appendix was the culprit. My mother, according to her doctors, has me to thank for her life...which seriously how come I'm not getting paid the doctors fee if I figured that out!

I came back home, because I couldn't afford to miss anymore time from work on December 2, the same day they released my grandmother from the hospital. My mother was released the next day. Over the next several weeks, my mom stayed in Texas to care for my grandmother and help her get back on her feet. Nana was out of the hospital approx. 1 week before being re-admitted. My mom and uncle tried to put her in a rehabilitation facility, however their resources were not enough to care for my grandma, so back to the hospital she went. My mom says that on December 20th, my grandmother looked at her and said "Stacey, let me go." It was the last thing she said.

I think my grandmother held on as long as she could. I'm the only grandchild that said goodbye in person to my grandmother, however I know my brother wanted to be there and I regret telling him not to come, because I really thought she would pull out of it. I went to church the night before she passed and prayed not only to God, but to my grandfather (my Nana's husband) to please come take her, to end her pain and to allow her to watch over those she loved. Sunday morning I was with my best friend, Danielle, when I got the call that she had passed. I can honestly say that if Danielle had not been there to catch me before I fell I don't know what I would have done. I knew when I left Texas, I wouldn't see Nana again, but you just can't prepare yourself for that loss.

Nana was my everything and my mother's too. My mother is one of my best friends and she had the same relationship with my grandmother. I hope to one day have that with my daughter, if I ever have one. Nana never got to see my get married, though she tried to marry me off to every doctor in the hospital during my time there. She never got to see my have children. She never got to see me do a lot of things, but one thing is for sure, she is watching over me and smiling because she knows I am strong and will accomplish all my wants and desires. For you Nana....I will have that Kobe Beef, while wearing my red Prada purse and think of you with love. You are missed everyday.

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